Broken Mirror
by SarahSweeties
Summary: Raven is struggling against her mirror and lies it tells her. She's dabbling in a fatal disease...on purpose. Will Robin be able to save her before she's too far gone?
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: **WARNING!!! This story contains anorexic behavior. If you have a problem with this or feel you may be triggered, then please, please, don't read this. Don't say I didn't warn you. Oh, and also, some slash. Now, onto the writing! Sarah

I wanted to die, right then. I had this idea in my head that dying would be lovely, a simple loosening of the ankle shakles that held me to the ground. I would lift off into the sky, float over the iced white streets, yes, that was death, and I was a princess in a cage, dying of a broken heart. That was death. I did not yet understand that the gasp and wheeze of my heart was death. The wild skittish flitting of my eyes and hands working themselves together, tying to get warm was death...I did not understand. –Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

**Chapter One: Cold**

_Maybe in a different light, maybe in another life, you could love me Robin. Maybe if I wasn't me, if I didn't look the way I did you'd feel the same way. I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold, so cruel, so harsh. But that's the way it has to be._

_I never wanted you to see the side of me that I keep trying to hide, I never wanted you to have to hear the things that I do, to see me the way that I see myself. I'm so sorry Robin. Can you ever forgive me?_

Raven stood in front of her mirror, the shadows playing off her sickly grey skin. _I never meant to be so cold..._

She ran her hands down her stomach, thinly veiled by a black leotard. Concealing, secretive, it thankfully hid what was underneath.

She slipped it off, then, standing only in her black bra and underwear, counted her ribs. Her fingers played them like a piano, softly tickling the skin, her senses dull from two years of numbing starvation.

_Still not good enough...not even close._

She hoped to never have to see another cup of herbal tea for the rest of her life. That was what she subsisted on now, and what she had been subsisting on for the past four months. But even she knew that she needed _some _food, no matter how much she may've disliked it. She made a sick face, her mirror casting a hideous reflection back at her.

Her purple hair had long been devoid of shine and luster. And it was starting to fall out.

She bit her lip, not feeling anything. Numbness and hunger were her only friends, the latter wrapping her in its searing embrace, cutting into every nerve, slowly carving it's way into her heart. It's name was never good enough, could not possibly do it justice. It could never live up to the way in burned itself into her thoughts, taking up every spare inch of her brain. It knew nothing of mercy, of pleading, of complaints, of sickness. The worst of it was, Raven had asked for it, had prayed for its wonderful hands to crawl up her body, to work their magic on her.

At least, that's how it started out.

Now, it was slowly digging it's harsh fingers into the inner workings of her body, dissolving her stomach and putting her repoductive organs into a eternal sleep. In the back of her mind she knew this was slowly killing her. But then again, she _had _told Robin she'd die for him. This just wasn't the way she expected.

She never wanted it to go this far. But here she was, standing once again in front of her mirror, searching for something other than her bones and her pain, other than the numbness and cold that penetrated every inch of her.

"Am I good enough yet?" Raven asked herself, her reflecting grossly distorted. "Is 102 good enough for you Robin?"

His voice echoed in her mind, as it had countless times before. "No," it replied, "you'll never be Starfire, no matter how hard you try."

She couldn't take it.

She shook her head frantically. Dizziness overwhelmed her. The world spun. She let out a small, almost inaudible gasp, as she fell to the floor. She was too weak to even stand anymore, so she just lay there, staring at her ceiling, finding shapes in the shadows, finding the outline of her bones with her fingers.

"She's still in there, isn't she?" Beast Boy asked, and Robin nodded his head solemnly. He swallowed hard, feeling choked by something that wasn't really there. It was as if his thoughts and worries about Raven had manifested themselves into a lump that lodged deep in his throat.

He hadn't meant to be so blunt and cold with her. He had seen the hurt in her eyes when he told her that he loved Starfire. She had tried to mask it, of course, but she had failed for the first time in her life. She had let him have a small piece of her soul, black as it was. She had helt her still beating heart out to him and he had spat on the proffered offering, preferring Starfire over her.

Starfire helped feed his lie, gave form to the voice in his head that told him he was happy, told him he was normal. Raven only made him realize he wasn't. And the voice she gave form to was slowly winning, much as he tried to fight it. Everyday, he put on a fake grin, masked his eyes.

He had always believed in the old saying that eyes are windows to the soul. That's why he kept them hidden, so others wouldn't get hurt by his own weakness.

It was safer that way. If only he could learn to steel his eyes and heart like Raven did...but he couldn't afford to get that close to her, couldn't afford to let her in, even to teach him ways to keep her out.

"Hey Rob, you okay?" Beast Boy asked. Robin blinked hard and looked up, the after-image of Raven still in his mind's eye.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just tired, I guess."

Starfire rested her head on his shoulder, her red hair falling into her face as she did so.

"Why then are you not sleeping?" she asked groggily, her green eyes fluttering open.

Despite the warmth of Starfire's body pressed against him, Robin couldn't supress a shiver. He faked a yawn to hide it.

"Good idea Star." He stood up. "I'll see you guys in the morning." He gave Star a quick kiss on the cheek. His body stiffened as he realized he no longer felt anything when he kissed her. It was routine now. But she didn't notice, for she had fallen back asleep, and her breathing was the only sound in the room for a moment. Then Cyborg and Beast Boy burst into a chorus of goodnights.

As Robin walked down the hallway towards his room, he saw a sliver of light emerging from Raven's room.

He checked his watch. 1:52 AM. She never stayed up this late, or early, whatever way you may take it.

His brows furrowed with worry. He raised his hand to knock on her door, but then decided against it, knowing Raven preferred her privacy. And she definitely didn't want to see _him._

Who could blame her? He had broken her heart, and they both knew it. Sighing, Robing lowered his hand and laid his cheek against the cold metal of the door.

"Good night Raven," he whispered, "and sweet dreams."

"Good night Raven, and sweet dreams." Raven perked up at the sound of her name. More so at the sound of Robin's voice whispering to her.

She tried to get up and go to him, but she was too weak to even speak, let alone stand and walk.

She wanted to run to him and fling her arms around him. She wanted to run her fingers through his dark hair, to murmer into the crook of his neck and tell him she loved him.

But she couldn't, no matter how much she willed herself to.

It is a truly frightening thing, to will your body to move and have it not be able to. In fact, it seemed to be wanting to do the exact opposite. She felt herself grow heavy. It was the same feeling she got right when she entered a trance. It was like her body was asleep but her mind was awake.

_Robin_, she mentally called, praying to whatever gods existed for him to somehow hear her, _help me._

But he didn't. How could he? Raven saw shadows moving under her door, heard footsteps grow fainter, and then, the all encompassing silence.

He couldn't be seen, not now, not by them, at least. He moved swiftly, staying in the shadows. He heard Robin outside Raven's room. He froze. He'd have to make it past him undetected. And he knew well enough that the boy's hearing was more than great. Years of training had taught him that. He wasn't going to take a chance. He pressed himself against the wall, his dark clothing blending in perfectly.

Thankfully, he remained undiscovered. Silently, he moved along the corridor, stopping when he got to the room at the very end. He knocked three times, a ritual set up by the two of them.

The door opened, and he slid in. He chuckled. The changeling was as messy as ever.

"Hey, BB?" He asked. Beast Boy looked up, surprised.

"Oh, I didn't hear you." He replied, smiling. He approached the other boy, wrapping his arms around his neck. "But I'm glad you're here."

The other boy nuzzled his face in the crook of Beast Boy's neck, having to bend down, however, to do so.

"I've missed you." He whispered. Beast Boy gave him a light kiss on the cheek, still blushing at the intimacy, even after three months.

"I've missed you too." There was a silence, surprisingly comfortable, in which the boys stood there, wrapped in eachothers arms.

Finally, Beast Boy broke the silence as he and the other boy took a seat on the edge of Beast Boy's bed. "How are things going? Anything new?" He asked, the other boy shook his head and gave a cocky grin.

"You know, the usual. Fighting crime, saving pretty damsels." He said, ruffling Beast Boy's green hair.

Beast Boy scowled, feeling a tinge of jealousy well up inside of him.

"Hey, no saving damsels. You've got me, remember?"

As the boy leaned in and was about to press his lips against Beast Boy's, he whispered.

"Who said I liked it?"

**Author's Note:** Ooh, who is this mysterious boy Beast Boy is with? Any guesses? What is up with Raven? Why isn't Robin happy with Starfire? Ah, questions questions. R&R and maybe I'll pose a few hints if y'all are nice. Sarah


	2. Chapter Two

And the sharp hiss of one voice…gradually became so loud it drowned out everything else: _Thinner_, it said_, you've got to get thinner._ –Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

**Chapter Two: Faint**

Raven blinked, the early morning sunlight burning her eyes. She raised a hand and sheilded her violet eyes as she stood up. She desperately fought to remain upright. She wheeled, grabbing her bed post for support. She stumbled to the door and leaned against it, her world spinning as she did so.

Taking a deep breath, the emptiness left her for a moment, but soon returned. Her stomach growled in protest. She hadn't eaten in three days.

She didn't have the energy to walk down the hall to the bathroom, so she teleported herself there instead.

"Gah!" she heard someone yell. It was Beast Boy, clutching a towel around his waist. Raven blushed.

"Sorry…" she muttered, turning around and shutting her eyes. After a few moments, Beast Boy said,

"It's fine. You didn't know. I was done anyway." He transformed into a dog, barked playfully, and shook himself dry, effectively soaking Raven in the process. He wagged his tail and play-bowed.

Raven let out an almost inconcievable smile, but Beast Boy caught it. He barked once more and bounded out of the bathroom.

"What's up with him?" she asked herself as she stepped on the scale. The numbers lined up as she sucked in a nervous breath. Was she thin enough yet?

101 lbs. Maybe now…

She smiled. She couldn't afford to ruin all her hard work by eating now. She hummed an old Azarathian hymn as she walked to the living room, inspired and suddenly happy.

"Hey Raven. Sleep well?" Robin asked, putting down the newspaper and picking up his coffee. That was his morning routine, coffe and a newspaper. He would scout for crime and muse to himself about the state of the world, as if he could save it himself.

Raven and Robin both exchanged forced smiles.

"Yeah," Raven replied, "I guess."

There was an awkward silence, with Robin and Raven staring at eachother for a few moments. Then Robin lowered his eyes once again to the newspaper before him, and Raven walked into the kitchen to grab some more herbal tea.

Starfire entered the living room. Something was wrong. Her eyes were downcast and dull, her hair was a mess, and she wasn't smiling. There was definitely something wrong.

"Hey Star." Robin said, grinning, then standing up and holding out his arms to her for a hug. She just kept her head down and walked right past him. She muttered something in Tamaranian, something sounding bitter and harsh, like a dose of cold medicine.

Robin's grin dissappeared. "What's wrong?" he asked. Again, no reply. Sighing, Robin sat back down on the couch, his head in his hands.

Suddenly there was a loud buzz, and lights in the room flashed red.

Robin jumped up from the couch and yelled, "Titans! Go!" As if they needed any encouragment.

Cyborg dropped the game controller that he had been holding, shut off the consol and rushed to the door. Starfire floated weakly towards the door as well, her feet dragging on the floor. Beast Boy came out of his room, now fully dressed, but his hair was still wet.

Raven took her time. All the sounds in the room, the voices and the buzzing, seemed to be muted and muffled. It was as if someone were pressing a large blanket onto her ears. From somewhere far away, it seemed, she heard someone call out to her.

"Rae, come on!" It was Robin, and her heart jumped at the sound of his voice.

She dropped her herbal tea, the glass shattering as it hit the floor. "Don't worry!" Robin called to her, "We'll clean it up when we get back!"

Raven threw on her navy blue cloak and ran after Robin. As the two of them left the Tower, Raven felt Robin's hand slip into hers. And when she looked up at him, surprise alight in her dark eyes, he was smiling.

Robin aimed a kick at Slade's head, but missed by mere inches. Slade caught Robin by the throat as the younger boy was rushing at hiim.

"Silly Robin," he laughed, "You can't even beat me with your team to back you up. How did you expect to do it alone?"

Slade tightened the grip on Robin's neck, choking him. He struggled for breath, but he felt himself slipping away.

"He's not alone!" a voice yelled, and Slade looked up, startled. For a moment, his grasp loosened on Robin's neck.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Raven yelled and…nothing happened. Slade let out a cruel laugh and resumed strangling Robin.

"Rae…" Robin choked out, gasping, "Help…"

Raven closed her eyes, feeling the anger well up inside of her. She couldn't just sit back and watch as Robin was killed. She cared for him too much. She had seen the fear in him. She was his only hope.

"Where are my friends?" She asked, and Slade once again laughed.

"They're a bit…preoccupied." He saw Raven's eyes widen. "Don't worry," he said, "Plasmus is seeing to them."

Raven glared. Slade didn't respond; Robin's loud gasp had returned his attention once again to the task at hand. The girl was no worry. She couldn't even use her powers she was so starved and weak.

He had been watching her starve herself little by little each day, he had seen how she no longer responded to anyone's touch, even Robin's. She had grown paler than usual, and upon close inspection, her nails were blue.

Raven knew what she had to do, it was just that she was afraid to do it.

But one look at Robin laying there dying cleared any doubt from her mind.

"Necronom hezberek mortix!" She yelled, and a steady stream of shadows poured out of her eyes and mouth, enveloping Slade.

Robin dropped to the ground, Slade being thrown backwards by the force of Raven's attack.

It took Robin a few gasps to clear his mind, but when he did, he ran to Slade.

Ripping off his mask, he saw what he most feared: it was a decoy. The real Slade was somewhere else, alive, safe, and perfectly hidden…as usual.

Robin let out a frustrated yell and kicked the Slade decoy as hard as he could, sending the head flying.

A small whimper behind him though made him turn around. Laying there, on the cold cement, was Raven.

**A/N: Remember to review!! –'Lil Sarah**

Chapter One


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three: Prayers**

Robin had never been religious. He had always thought religion was a crutch for people who were too weak to make it on their own. But now he was praying with everything he had for Raven to be okay.

He had been raised Jewish, but he had long ago abandoned the faith. Nevertheless, he sang an old Hebrew prayer under his breath.

"A-shir-ra la-do-nai ki go-oh ga-ah. Mi-cha-mo-cha ba-elim adonai? Mi-ka-mo-cha ne-dar ba-ko-desh? Na-chi-ta v'-chas-d'-cha am zu ga-al-ta. A-shi-ra. A-shi-ra. A-shi-ra…"

"That is pretty." Robin looked up. It was Starfire. "What is it?" Robin buried his head in his hands.

"It's Hebrew." His voice was muffled. Starfire gave him quizzical look.

"What is Hebrew? Is it some type of spell?" Robin stood up and leaned over Raven. He had to make sure she was still alive.

Her shallow yet warm breath tickled his ear, and he felt a shiver creep up his spine. Against his better judgement, he kept his face close to Raven for longer than was truly necessary.

"Kind of. It's called a prayer, Starfire. You use it when you need help." He stared down at Raven, tears blurring his eyes. He quickly blinked them back. The last thing that he wanted was to have Starfire see him cry.

"What does it mean?" Starfire asked. Robin closed his eyes and tried to remember. His mother's voice came flooding back and he recited the words she had taught him.

"I will sing to the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously. Who is like You, Oh Lord, among the celestial? Who is like you, majestic in holiness? In Your love, You lead the people You redeemed. I will sing. I will sing. I will sing."

Starfire placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure your Lord will help her, Robin." He sighed and answered in a weary voice.

"I hope so."

A soft voice penetrated Raven's mind. It was beautiful, a light tenor. The voice was singing in a language Raven understood. Hebrew. She had learned it long ago, along with Latin, Greek, and Egyptian.

She opened one eye. It was Robin. He was praying for her, a prayer she recognized. She had learned the same one long ago.

She quickly shut her eyes as Starfire walked in.

"That is pretty. What is it?"

Raven felt fondness tug on her heart. She had always liked the Tamaranean girl's naitivity, though she would never show it.

"It's Hebrew."

"What is Hebrew? Is it some type of spell?"

'Spells are for people like me, too weak to make it without magic. Robin doesn't need them.' Raven thought bitterly.

She felt Robin's warmth near her. She longed to reach out and stroke his cheek, but that would give everything away and ruin the moment. So she lay still, breathing as shallowly as she could.

"Kind of. It's called a prayer, Starfire. You use it when you need help."

'And I need a lot of help." Raven thought.

"What does it mean?"

Raven heard Robin give the translation. It was much prettier in Hebrew. But then again, Raven was a bit baised.

Raven once again opened an eye, only to see Starfire place a hand on Robin's shoulder. She inwardly shuddered. This wasn't fair. She was sick, her body was giving up on her, and now she had to witness this.

'God must seriously hate me." She thought as she breathed deeply and shut her eyes again.

"I'm sure your Lord will help her, Robin." Even though Starfire didn't worship the same god as Robin, at least she was trying. Raven felt guilt well up inside of her.

"I hope so."

Raven heard the door shut. The soft sound of someone trying to hide the fact that they were crying filled her ears. It was pitiful, much like the sound of a lost child.

'It must be Star.' She thought. But when she sat up, she saw Robin, his shoulders shaking. He was facing away from her. 'It's too painful for him to even look at me.' Raven thought, choking back her own tears.

She struggled to get up, still weak from the spell and lack of food.

She floated over to Robin to avoid startling him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she whispered into his ear.

"I'm okay."

"Knock knock?" Beast Boy asked, grinning.

"Who's there?" the other boy replied. He ran a hand through his hair. It was getting longer as of late. He needed a haircut.

"Boo." The boy mentally groaned. He had heard this one so many times it wasn't even funny anymore…not that it really was in the first place.

"Boo who?" He replied. He had an edge to his voice that no one but Beast Boy could pick up. Thankfully this time, the changeling was too caught up in his own joke.

"Aww, don't cry." Beast Boy started laughing hysterically. "You get it? Boo hoo…crying." His smile faded as he saw the other boy's glare. "Heh, crying…you get it…yeah. Shutting up now."

He lowered his eyes to the mess on his floor.

'I should really get around to cleaning this.' He thought.

He felt the other boy's hand on his cheek.

"Sorry, hun." He said, "I've just been kind of tired lately. All this fighting really zaps me, ya know?" He asked.

Beast Boy nodded. His eyes shone with sympathy as he laid his head on the other's boy's strong shoulder.

He had always been a source of comfort and strength for Beast Boy. He could always turn to him whenever something became too cruel to stand, whenever he needed a shoulder to cry on, whenever he was bursting with the excitement of having a new joke.

"I wish you could be here more often." He whispered. The other boy ran a hand through Beast Boy's green hair.

"I know, love. I know."

**Author's Note: **The Hebrew is from The Prince of Egypt, my new favorite movie. Post your thoughts on who BB's secret lover is. And while you're at it, check out my other fics, Midnight Rendezvous, and my upcoming one: Burning Up. –'Lil Sarah


	4. Chapter Four

"And moving through a mirror clear  
That hangs before her all the year,  
Shadows of the world appear." –The Lady of Shalott

**Chapter Four: Panic**

Robin opened his eyes, startled. He could've sworn he had heard Raven, had felt her even. But, when he looked towards her bed, he saw her lying there, as still as ever. She hadn't moved. Now, he was sure of it.

He groaned as he stood up. Sleeping in a chair wasn't the most comfortable thing he'd ever done, and now his back was paying for it.

"What's wrong Raven?" He whispered, "Why won't you just tell me?"

She was so beautiful, just lying there. That, he couldn't deny. She had always been beautiful in her own way. Sadness, in its own special form, was beauty. It just seemed like no one could see it but him.

Raven whimpered, her eyes fluttering open. She was awake, finally. After three days of tiptoeing across the line between a frail life and a warm death, she had finally chosen sides. She had chosen, inadvertantly, to live.

"Raven?" Robin asked, his voice still a whisper. Her purple eyes shined with unshed tears as she focused in on him. "Oh God, you're okay!" Robin exclaimed, and before he could stop himself, he had thrown his arms around Raven in a warm hug.

"Robin?" She asked, "I need to breathe." Robin stepped back, rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh, right." He said, smiling. "I'm just…glad you're okay." Raven smiled back, and the vase of flowers next to her bed melted.

She giggled nervously, sending the curtains flying. They twisted themselves together and then burst into blinding green flames. Rolling her eyes, she muted her expression.

"So am I." She replied. She motioned for Robin to sit down next to her. Confusion swept over her face as she saw what she was wearing. Pink pajamas with...God forbid…kittens on them.

It took every ounce of control she had not to a) scream in horror, and b) rip them off.

She gulped. "What am I wearing? And who undressed me?" Robin could hold in a laugh at the look of sheer terror Raven had on her face at the present moment.

"Those are Starfire's pajamas. She dressed you. And did your hair, by the way." Robin stifled hysterical laughter.

Raven's eyes grew wide as she scrambled out of bed to the mirror. It was horrifying! Her hair was pulled up into pigtails that sat up high on her head, and there were pink ribbons dangling from them. Yelping in terror, she shook out her hair and ripped out the ribbons.

They scattered on the floor, where they were trampled.

"Starfire will be most disappointed." Robin said. He couldn't stand it any longer. He laughed until he cried.

Standing up was harder the second time, Raven noticed. Before, fear drove her to move. But now, she had no real reason to get up, save to go the mirror. Some reason that was.

She noticed a newly applied IV hanging from her arm. Cream colored liquid dripped sloly from it. Realization hit her like a truck.

'Oh Gods,' she thought, panic overcoming her once again, 'They're feeing me!'

Now, she stood up without any help. Ripping the tube out of her arm hurt, but she'd rather have that small pain than get fat again. It was disgusting, really, the liquid spraying all over the room from the sudden lack of pressure.

Within the next few moments, things were blowing up as Raven scrambled to find a scale.

Thoughts raced through her head. Where is the damn scale? What did she weigh? How could they do that? Whose idea was it? How should they die?

Finally she found one, hidden in a low cupboard. It was dusty, and she sneezed as she blew the fine powder off.

Stepping on it, her heart pounded. Did she really gain that much?

The numbers that appeared before her caused her step off the scale in horror, effectively tripping and landing ####### the ground again.

106. She had gained 5 pounds. This was unacceptable. 5 pounds?! How long had she been gone?

She stood up, took a deep breath, and left the room, hell bent on revenge.

A/N: Sorry that was so short. Really, I am. I'm just in a bit of a hurry right now. I'm writing around…four fics at this moment, and I'm a bit panicky. Did it come through in the story? Review, my adoring fans!


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